-
 Think things out before you speak, especially if you are a person
who may be poor at finding the right words to say. Don't start a
sentence, with 'ums' and 'ers' in between, it seems awkward and you
should try speaking to yourself in a mirror, it works! It increases your
confidence in speaking, and it sounds much clearer, you may find you'll
be using less 'ums' and 'ers' next time!
- Don't speak loud. You will quickly lose respect if you
do, as this can be seen as overbearing and rude. It can also make
other people angry and upset with you before you even establish some
kind of relationship with them. They will see you as a 'big mouth'!
And therefore cannot be trusted with anything confidential. So
practice at turning your volume down if you tend to have a loud
voice.
- Speak with respect to and of others. You can do this by
avoiding negative remarks that may insult someone else. Do not use
expressions or theoretical examples that imply disrespect or
degradation or that invite people to imagine offensive scenarios,
such as "what is up your butt?" or "how would you feel if
someone..." followed by a description of violent or degrading acts.
You may not intend this as offensive, but it is. General rule is: if
you don't want someone to speak about you that way, then don't speak
about them to others.
- Do not ever speak of bodily functions, even if it is a
casual conversation, such as using the bathroom or telling crude
jokes, for this shows signs of immaturity and often gives yourself a
bad impression on friends, family, and co-workers.
- Always respect older people, and listen to them and
learn. This applies to all elders and not just parents or
grandparents.
- Using the terms 'Thank You', 'Please', and 'You are
Welcome' shows that you have good manners. People who lack manners
do not use these terms.
- Hold open a door for anyone following you closely. This
is a sign of good manners and has never changed. There are no strict
gender rules in this day and age.
- Speak highly of your parents, respect them, even if there
are things about them that you do not like. If you cannot do that,
stay away from speaking about them at all around others. It looks
tacky to insult or speak badly of the people who brought you into
this world or raised you. Don't air dirty laundry about your family.
It's tacky and rude.
- Do not swear or use filthy language and curse words. It's
unprofessional! People who do this are usually very immature and
have no self-control or respect for themselves and others!
Eventually, you'll see that bad words are not appropriate and you'll
begin to feel more comfortable avoiding them. Profanity is a sign of
an angry person and it puts people off you immediately as its very
distasteful and offensive. Using a good decent vocabulary gives the
impression of intelligence, self-respect and character.
- Greet others appropriately even if you know someone well.
If you are a man, you do not want to greet a woman by saying, "Hey
Baby, what's shaking?" Instead, try something like, "Hello, good
morning or evening," anything that would make you appear to have
good manners and good sense.
- Try to show that you are more interested in the person
you are speaking to by asking them questions about themselves. Don't
steal their spotlight by just talking about yourself. You don't want
to come off as selfish. If you continually talk about yourself, it
will quickly bore people and they will try to avoid any other future
conversations with you.
- Pay attention to how you carry yourself. In other words,
act like you have some class, which goes hand in hand with manners.
Don't slouch, have a neat appearance, shake hands firmly [not
limply, some people can tell what you may be like by your
handshake], be clean and smell clean [use some deodorant under your
arms! Bad odour can be an unpleasant experience to others], hold
your head high and don't hide behind dark sunglasses inside or wear
other "trying to be cool" looks at the wrong time, it gives the
impression of arrogance and immaturity.
- Don't put other people down, belittle them or spread gossip.
Never openly criticize someone in an attempt to put them down or to
make yourself look better. If you don't like people speaking about
you in that way then don't do it yourself! Be complimentary and
positive. For example, insulting an article that someone has
written. Their grammar and spelling may not be as good as yours but
they did put forth a positive effort. Having an opinion is one
thing, but being insulting is a sign of bad manners. It is never
polite to tell secrets in front of someone. If someone else is
gossiping or belittling them, show you understand in a neutral way
(a small nod to show you comprehend or an "mmhmm" should do) and
then go on to compliment them on something as closely related as
possible.
- Don't interrupt, cut off or override another person who
is speaking, regardless of even if it is a casual conversation
[unless they are insulting or swearing etc...]. Give them respect
and try to let them finish what they are saying; in other words, be
a listener! And practice being a good one!
- Ask for clarification properly. If you did not hear
something that an individual has said, or if you need something
clarified, consider using "Could you say that again for me, please?"
or "I'm sorry?" Avoid solely using the word "What?" as it tends to
come off as brash and unrefined.
-
- Think about phone manners and observe appropriate phone
etiquette at all times.
- Phone Etiquette
- Don’t phone before 7:00 in the morning and after 9:00 at
night [unless its an emergency or an important overseas call].
People do not expect you to drop in and visit them at these times,
[unless arranged for a specific occasion or appointment].
- Check the number you have is correct. If you do disturb
someone and it’s the wrong number then ‘please’ have the decency to
say, “I’m so sorry! I’ve have the wrong number!” That individual may
be ill, or in a wheelchair, or elderly etc…and they have answered
their phone, so you have respect and apologize to them.
- Check your voice! Your voice carries a whole lot more
than just a tone, and can tell another person on the other end of a
phone what your character and personality is like. Whether you are a
happy and very nice person or grumpy, obnoxious and harsh! Remember
that they cannot see you, so on the phone your voice becomes your
facial expressions, gestures, personality, and character. So always
check your voice when speaking, make sure you speak in a pleasant
tone and very clearly. You have to smile through your voice! What
they hear will give them a positive or negative impression of you.
- When someone answers the phone don’t be harsh and abrupt
by telling them what you want first, this will confuse them and
wonder who you are. You will also come across as very rude, which is
not good if you need favour with the person you are speaking to. It
gives them the wrong impression before you start! And don’t say,
“Who is this?” You phoned them and you should introduce yourself and
tell them who you are and what you want – politely! For example; say
“Hello, my name is Mrs Peppermint, I would like to speak to Mrs
Sally Lemon. Is she available?” Or if you are making inquiries it
should be something like this; “Hello, this is Mrs Peppermint
speaking. I saw an advert in the local paper for a shop assistant,
is that job still open?” When you have finished your inquiries
always say, “Thank you for your help. Goodbye” and be genuine! Now
WAIT – before you put the phone down – PLEASE give
them time to say ‘Goodbye’ too!! [I have had many people cut me off
abruptly and I’ve had to figure it out myself [while still holding
the phone] that they had actually finished their conversation on the
phone to me – without saying goodbye – very rude indeed!! Sometimes
I’ve had to phone them back as I thought we had just been cut off,
never knew it was the end of their inquiries or
conversation!].
- Give people a chance to answer their phone! They could be
outside in their garden, or knitting, or baking in the kitchen, or
washing the car, or in a room at the other end of their house. Don’t
just ring twice or three times then put the phone down! So annoying
when you have had to put down whatever you were in the middle of, go
into the lounge to answer your phone and just as it gets to your ear
the phone caller [whoever they may be] hangs up!!. Grrrrh!! :o)
- Don’t spend an hour [or hours] chatting to someone. Don't
waste peoples time or disturb the household! It’s one of the biggest
turn-off’s to having a friendly chat! That person will not want to
talk to you again. I once had a friend who would phone just for a
chat every morning at 5 am and she would talk non-stop for over an
hour!!!! She did this for two weeks, which upset my husband and
children as it disturbed their sleep. Eventually, I had to tell her
not to phone so early in the morning as it was upsetting my family
and interrupting their sleep – never heard from her again!
- Answering your phone: Again – don’t forget to check your
voice! Just be pleasant and polite and say, ‘Hello’. Never give your
name or any other personal details unless you are well known by that
person who has called, its too dangerous today to easily and naively
give personal details to a stranger. If you are alone and you don’t
know who they are do not tell them no-one is home or husband is
working etc… Always pretend someone is at home with you. Use wisdom
and some good old fashioned common-sense! Keep yourself safe!
- If the phone call is for someone else say something like;
“Would you wait a moment please? I will just go and call them for
you.” Remember to put the receiver down gently on the table. If the
person they want to speak to is unavailable or not in, just say,
“I’m sorry, Sally isn’t available right now. Can I take a message
for her and she will phone you as soon as she can?”
- If you must carry on two conversations at once you should
always excuse yourself from one of them and resume it later. Say,
"I'm sorry, can you hold on one minute, my boss is telling me
something", and wait for their answer. If the personal conversation
will last more than a minute you should consider the other person
waiting for you and ask, "Can I call you back? My mother needs to
talk to me and it may take a few minutes".
- In case of needing a restroom break, you should say
something to get off the phone, but don't share too much information
with the wrong person. For example, to a stranger you can say, "I'm
sorry, I need to go to the restroom/bathroom. Can I call you back?"
- When on the phone don't carry on a conversation with someone
else in the room. There's nothing worse than having a phone
conversation and the other person is carrying on a chat, perhaps not
listening to what you're saying and when talking you can't tell if
they are speaking to you or the other person in the room.
- Avoid using the computer while talking on the phone with
someone unless its part of customer services. It is extremely
rude and unpleasant when someone makes you listen to the clacking of
the keyboard, when you wish they were listening to you. Vice Versa.
- Turn off your phone in films, don't text while pretending
to pay attention to someone else, never carry on a phone
conversation during a meal.
- When you are with others in a social setting try to
refrain from using your cell phone. It implies that you would rather
be somewhere else with someone else and that they are not important
to you.
- Make meaningful introductions. If someone tells you their
name, either by shaking your hand and saying their name or by saying
"Hi! I'm John!" etc. Do not just go "Okay!" or "Hi!". Tell them your
name too! This may seem obvious, but many people overlook this and
come across as not wanting to know the other person.
- If you are visiting a friends parent's home, offer the
parents help with anything they may need done in their home such as
taking out the trash, or preparing the table for dinner. Don't
forget to thank them for their hospitality and opening up their home
to you, as well as allowing you to eat with them. Then they will be
sure to have more respect for you when you return.
- Address older adults and professional seniority with the
title of "Mr.", "Mrs.", "Miss", or "Ms." until you are asked by them
to address them by a first name.
- Make certain the person prefers you to use their nick name
over their proper name before you use it. It's fine to ask if you
are uncertain. It's recommended you ask if you are casually
introduced to someone with a nickname socially. Don't assume that
"Michael" prefers to be called "Mike" or "Sandra" prefers "Sandy".
- Improve your manners when speaking. Here are other common
etiquette mistakes and their solutions:
- Never say "Yeah". It's "Yes" or preferably "Yes, please".
- It's never "Huh?" or "What?", it's "Pardon?"
- Instead of "Nah", say "No, thank you."
- Always use "May I...?" instead of "Can I?"
- Don't send letters or notes written in red ink or pencil.
It's a sign of disrespect. You can use red ink for lists, notes to
yourself or study notes, but never for letters or notes to other
people. Its different when its part of the job like Teachers who may
use it for grading because it stands out.
- Give gratitude and be thankful. If someone gives you a gift,
goes out of their way for you or provides a service which you appreciate
you should write a thank you note. Not an email unless you are at
work and you should still write a thank you note for a gift. Saying
"thank you" is just not enough. You should always keep a box of thank
you cards in your office and at home. Be thankful for what others do or
have done for you.
-
Use proper grammar and spelling. Keep a dictionary by you when
composing a note or letter or email. Its essential when writing
thank you notes or other communication. Proper grammar is also good
manners. Your words and the context of your message will be understood
and not require interpretation.
- Never use IM, SMS language or computer jargon when
sending a note for 'Thank yous' or communicating. Using jargon in
general makes a person appear self-centred when others don't
understand. It also makes the listener feel ignorant.
- You should never assume everyone knows what LOL or TTYL means.
- "Cuz" should never be used instead of "because"
- "2" should never replace "to", "two" or "too"
- "U" should never replace "you".
- "da" should never replace "the" [it sounds like baby
language!]
- "dat" should never replace "that" [baby language]
- Know the difference between you, your and you're
- Use a dictionary or thesaurus if you aren't sure of the
spelling, meaning or usage of a word.
- Proofread! Don't assume spell-check catches everything.
Re-read over everything.
- Not taking the time to spell simple words may be seen as
disrespectful.
- Unless you're chatting with close friends and the grammar is
usually horrible you should never use jargon or abbreviations unless
they are commonly recognized (Mr., Mrs., dates, etc.)
- Understand when IM and chat room language should be used. Avoid
using it outside of IM, text or chat situations. It makes you appear
lazy and poorly mannered.
- Avoid generational jargon and slang. When communicating
with someone of a different generation make sure terms used are
those familiar to all generations (use English grammar). You
wouldn't like it if your boss or grandparents sent you letters using
a strange code or parts were in a foreign language. Older and
younger generations use different jargon.
- Treat and speak to others as you would like to be spoken to
and treated. Having manners is like the Golden Rule of social
behaviour.
- When you get up in the morning, and come across someone
in your household, always say "Good morning."
- Manners are little rules that help us all act with respect toward
one another. If you are unsure what to do in a particular situation,
remember that manners strive to make everyone around you feel
comfortable, and take action based on this thought.
- Some people feel that being "mannered" is "fake" or unauthentic.
Instead, realize that manners are normal and healthy social conventions
that make interactions easier and more pleasant. Not every interaction
is an opportunity to correct others or set them straight.
- Start your day off by smiling and feeling positive. Treat everyone
you come across with respect. That way their day may be a good one; and
maybe they'll pass that smile and positive attitude along to someone
else. Smiles are contagious.
- If someone else is speaking, try hard not to be domineering or
overbearing by taking over the story or subject matter at hand, even if
you feel that you can tell it better. Try to let them finish what they
are saying, before adding your two cents worth.
- If you are talking to someone on the phone, be sure to pause every
once in a while in order to allow the other person time to speak - and
take a genuine interest in what they have to share with you. It shows
that you care.
- Start showing your manners with your parents. They'll be overjoyed
that their children are speaking to them with respect, for respect shows
that you have good manners.
- If you are in school, make sure that you behave so that your teacher
can speak highly of you - pay attention in class and do your homework.
Treat your teacher with respect. They did not train to be your teacher
to be abused by you. See your teacher as your friend not your enemy,
they are there to teach and train you so that you can have a good
future.
- Avoid annoying others with your cell phone. Be sure to turn it off
in movie theaters, and don't drive with a cell phone stuck to your ear
(this is illegal in some places anyway). It is not only dangerous, but
will cause others to think that you are rude, especially when you are
cutting in front of them in traffic and so forth.
- Good manners will never go out of style, so practice having good
manners. It can only help you in the long run.
- If you are receiving an award shake the giver's hand.
- One of the easiest ways to appear good mannered is to be silent and
only talk when you have something important to say. This adds weight to
your words.
- Always use the essentials - ma'am, sir, miss, pardon, thank you,
please, your welcome, my pleasure etc.
- Manners are often dictated by good sense. If you would be offended
by an action, that action is likely to offend others too. Check yourself
often to see if your talk, conversations, and treatment of others is
respectful or rude. Would you like to be spoken to or treated the same
way? Then correct whatever needs correction.
- Do not talk with your mouth full. Do not stop mid-sentence to eat,
chew, swallow and then continue - your well-mannered companions will of
course not interrupt you, and they should not have to wait and watch you
eat. Eat or talk, but do not do both at the same time.
- When asking someone about a touchy subject, keep your voice the same
that you would if you were asking about the weather. This shows that
you're taking them seriously and will allow them to be more comfortable
about answering.
- Pardon bodily functions. Say "excuse me" if you belch or cough (or
make any other unavoidable noise with your body). Laughing at a belch is
poor manners and makes a person seem crude. It may be funny to your
friends but others around you see it as poor character. Remember,
though, that just because you say "excuse me" that does not mean you can
belch at any time you like. Avoid doing it in front of anyone.
- There are a variety of books available on the subject of manners
which can be useful for fine tuning.
- Check used book stores or library sales for books on etiquette. The
books are updated from year to year and older editions are replaced with
new. The advice from the 50's seems archaic today. If you can find one
released within the last decade you can at least get the majority of
common etiquette rules.
- There is a book available titled "How to Be a Gentleman".
This will make an excellent gift for any man and especially those in
high school or college. The rules are geared towards contemporary male
etiquette. Most other etiquette books will have a largely female
perspective.
- Good manners doesn't mean that you can't joke and cut-up, and have a
sense of humour, don't confuse good manners with being a stuffed shirt
and reserved, so to speak. Manners are the stitches that hold the fabric
of society together.
- Do not get intimidated or feel ashamed if your friends make fun of
you for opening the door for a girl or helping an older person do
something they cannot do alone. Being good mannered may seem out of
fashion and even silly to some, but it only shows how mature and bright
you are, because in the long run, that good you did to others will be
returned. (Even if it isn't, you still did the right thing.)
- Having bad manners can be associated with having poor character.
- Don't be overly polite with your peers unless you're in a business
setting or you may come across as a weak, spineless, people-pleaser.
- People tend to respond to hurt:
- By repressing the anger and stuffing the hurt
- The result: bitterness and resentment
- Possible solution: Communicate. Bring the hurt out
into the light. Talk about the hurt with your loved one.
Do not let too much time pass, giving satan (bitterness,
rage, and hate) a foothold in the relationship. It's
fine to be angry. You maybe right to feel angry. But do
not sin in your anger
- Some attitudes and behaviors that prevent
restoration are:
- (1) pride instead of humility
- (2) a desire for justice rather than mercy
- (3) procrastination
- (4) insecurity
- Forgiveness is to forgive immediately. Forgive
repeatedly. Forgive completely Day after day.
- However, it takes two to mend a relationship. You
can't force someone to feel something they just do not
feel. And sometimes instead of love, people are filled
with resentment and hate. You can not force someone to
do something they do not want to do. You can try, but
then, that's not very loving either. When it comes to
broken relationships with loved ones, when the other
person isn't interesting in reconciliation, it's best to
pray and continually give it to God. Someone can choose
to withdrawal love from you, for whatever reason. They
can choose not to accept the love you have for them, but
they can not make you stop loving them. It hurts to love
someone who does not love you in return and will not
even accept your love, but the experience of loving
someone in your heart is half the joy and no one can
take that away.
- , tell them that you are over and that you have no
future together.
- , don't be selfish and drag them along for any
extended period of time.
- , if your feelings change go crawling back.
- Don't say anything that you don't mean.
- don't ever waste love
- Arrive when you say you will arrive
- Be specific with dates. Don't keep
your visit open-ended.
- Don't turn up earlier. This is the
worst thing you can do as your host may
not be ready for you and it could
inconvenience them considerably. If, for
some unforeseen reason, you caught an
earlier connection or you had an extra
day's vacation and you'd like to arrive
earlier,
them first. If they sound
hesitant, tell them that you'd rather
leave the plans as originally decided
and find something else to do with your
extra time. This will also depend on who
you're staying with; mom and dad
probably won't mind at all but a friend
or colleague might be in the middle of
work or social arrangements that could
be very difficult to change.
- Equally, don't saunter in the day
after you said you'd arrive. This can
really upset some hosts, who worry about
what might have happened to you or are
put out because they may have rearranged
their schedules to accommodate you. This
fills the air with bad vibes. Again, if
you are delayed for any reason, call
them and explain. They'll understand,
but only if you've given good reasons
why.
- Don't overstay your visit. Your
hosts are not on vacation like you are, and
even though have graciously welcomed you
into their home, they have probably spent an
excess of their time and money with extra
food and drink, utilities, rearranging their
normal routine and the like.
- Bring a gift to say thank you at the
outset. Arriving with something as a way
of thanking your hosts in advance is a
thoughtful and caring gesture. It
demonstrates your appreciation of their
caring contribution in making your stay a
good one. Considerate, inexpensive gifts
include: a bottle of wine, a box of
chocolates, a basket of fruit or flowers. If
you don't want to carry anything extra, have
it delivered just in advance of your
arrival.
- Keep your guest area neat. Do not
roll your suitcase inside the home. Take
care not to soil the carpet or bedspread
with oil, salt, or grime from the bottom of
your suitcase. If provided, use a suitcase
stand. Make your bed before appearing for
breakfast. Keep your suitcase and belongings
as unobtrusive as possible - especially if
the room is visible to your hosts in passing
by. Be neat. Just shutting the door to a
messy room is NOT an option. Put dirty
laundry in a laundry bag or plastic bag. If
you are given a sofa bed in a living area,
it is especially important to arise when
your hosts do, and accept that others have
to live in the house, too. Make up your bed
and tuck your suitcase out of the way to
keep the common space neat. If you need
closet space, always ask permission first.
- Be reasonable about sharing a
household bathroom. If the house only
has one bathroom, ask when it is convenient
for you to use it. If the family is working,
going to school, etc., the last thing you
want to be doing is getting underfoot. Come
to an arrangement as soon as you arrive and
be flexible about the use. Consideration is
also expected if you are sleeping in a
living area near the only bathroom;
remember, others may need to use it after
you go to bed. If there are more bathrooms,
make sure that you use the one allocated to
you and treat the other bathrooms as
private.
- If towels are not placed out for you
in the guest room, don't presume that
the fancy towels in a shared bathroom
are for you. Politely inquire, "What
towels would you like me to use?" If you
are provided a guest bathroom, still
keep it neat and always hang the towels
up in an orderly manner.
- Don't keep the hosts up late. It
doesn't matter how long it has been since
you last saw them, or how many exciting
stories you have to tell them. Let your
hosts get to bed for a decent night's rest.
You may be feeling so excited at seeing them
that you don't even notice your own
exhaustion from traveling, so it will
benefit you to go to bed at a reasonable
hour, too. Likewise, don't sleep in and make
your host family tiptoe around you. The
yachting rule is: When the Captain is up,
everybody is up.
-
Always offer to help at mealtimes.
There is nothing more debilitating than
having guests who sit around waiting
expectantly for all meals. This is when a
stay crosses over from being homey to like
being in a hotel. It doesn't mean crowding
the host out of the kitchen, but it does
mean collecting plates, carrying out dishes,
offering to wash up or stack the dishwasher,
cleaning off the counters, and taking the
garbage out. You could even offer to cook a
meal or two yourself. If you're not sure
what to do, ASK! Even if the host may say
"nothing", insist that you do at least one
thing. Very few hosts can say no to this
offer!
- Offer to make contributions. Even
if you're not eating at your host's home,
offer to purchase the groceries (after all,
you still need their toilet paper!). This is
usually the most burdensome additional cost
for your hosts. Remember that they have
probably already been shopping for extra
groceries and spent a considerable amount of
time and money to get ready for your visit.
You could either bankroll their next
supermarket trip (and it's nice if you
accompany them, too) or you could offer to
go out and buy things for both yourself and
for them (ask them for a list). For longer
stays, assisting with the grocery bill is
crucial! Remember, you're getting free
accommodations! Even for shorter visits such
as a weekend, at least offer to take your
hosts out for dinner. It should be the
restaurant of their choice, although if you
suggest it the right way, they'll also be
deciding on a restaurant featuring local
cuisine that they think will impress you as
a visitor.
-
Do your own laundry. Don't be
embarrassed about asking whether it is okay
to do your laundry at your host's place.
They understand that after a few days you'll
have dirty underwear. Don't make the request
sound like you're hoping they might add your
laundry to their laundry chores. And never
presume that the washing machine or dryer is
available; always ask your host when the
most convenient time is for you to do your
laundry, emphasizing that you don't want to
cut into the household's normal routine. If
this means spending a weekday morning at the
house doing laundry instead of visiting a
museum, well, so be it. Fold your clothes!
Don't leave your clothes in a heap or on the
floor in your guestroom, whether clean or
dirty.
- Entertain yourself. Your hosts
are offering you their home but not
necessarily their time. Let your hosts make
it clear whether or not they have the time
to take you to places or to spend entire
evenings with you. They may have work to
finish at home, they may have work during
the daytime, or other commitments. Don't
presume that you can rely on their
generosity to drive you to places or to show
you around. Be prepared to catch public
transportation and taxis. They'll probably
be able to help you find a timetable or the
nearest bus depot or subway line.
Alternately, rent a car for yourself,
especially if you plan on seeing many of the
local sights, or if you are more active than
your hosts. Your hosts may have already
visited the sights many times before,
especially if they live in a
tourist-destination town.
- Be home on time. Unless you have
made a clear arrangement with your hosts
that you'll be coming and going as and when
you please, give your hosts an idea of when
you'll return. If your hosts are providing
you with an evening meal, be there at least
half an hour before meal time. This gives
you time to assist with the meal, help set
the table or carry out other household
chores. If you're late for a meal, call
first and explain. Better yet, if you've
been out sightseeing all day, and know that
you'll be home late, don't come home hungry,
assuming that your host is waiting to feed
you. Have dinner while you're out, or bring
dinner home with you, (pizza will do!) and
bring enough for your hosts. Be extra quiet
on arriving back late and if given a key,
use it. Then, turn out the lights.
- Be careful about Internet and phone
usage. If you need to use the internet
or phone at your host's home, ask them first
if this is okay with them. Ask them if they
have dial-up or broadband and if your usage
for a certain amount of time will cost
anything. If there are costs involved
(especially with long-distance calls), offer
to leave payment. Better yet, use your cell
phone. Regardless of the financial
implications, sitting on the internet all
night is just plain rude. Be thoughtful and
just check your e-mails, your favorite
updates and then shut down and return to the
conversation. If using your host's computer,
don't access any questionable websites that
may invite viruses, undesirable email spam
or worse (you know what I mean!)
-
Leave a thank you gift on your departure.
Again, nothing expensive, just a small token
of appreciation to show that you appreciated
their hospitality. Flowers, a bottle of
wine, fresh berries or a hand-written card
are nice tokens. Do your homework, and try
to choose something that you know they will
like.
- Strip your bedclothes on leaving.
You're not staying in a hotel and your host
has to wash the sheets (and towels) when you
leave. Make it easier by removing sheets,
pillow cases and any other linens. Place
them in a neat pile on the foot of the bed.
Better yet, start washing them for your
host. After all, they'll have to do it after
you leave anyway. You've probably been
washing your own clothes during your stay,
so you'll be familiar with using the washer
and dryer. If you're staying long enough
that your sheets require washing during your
stay, do them yourself and remake your own
bed. Does your host use a housecleaning
service? You may even offer to contribute to
the cost of cleaning after you leave.
- Leave quietly and thoughtfully.
If you have to leave really early in the
morning, say your farewells the night
before. If you're departing late at night or
early in the morning, book your own
transportation. Do not expect the host to
run you to the airport/bus station unless
the host suggests it. If you leave when the
hosts are at work or out, make sure you have
made prior arrangements to leave the keys
somewhere safe and that you're sure how to
lock the place up properly. If your host
offers to provide your transportation, at
least pay for their gas! With gas at around
$2.00- $3.00 (U.S.) a gallon, a good rule of
thumb is to give at least $20.00 (U.S.)
Offer more if it's a long drive. Remember,
it's a round trip drive for your host. It's
still no doubt cheaper for you than a
shuttle or a taxi, and should not be at your
host's expense.
- The Golden Rule: Don't outstay your
welcome. A short stay is a pleasant stay
and leaves everyone feeling good about each
other. As Ben Franklin once said, "Guests,
like fish, begin to stink after three days."
- Send a thank you note. Send a
small card or an e-card to say thanks when
you return home. Yes, it's a lot of thank-you's
but it's polite to acknowledge the fact that
your hosts opened their home to you, and it
keeps the potential open for a repeat stay
when the stay is remembered amicably by all.
- If you are part of a group such as "CouchSurfing"
or "WarmShowers" make sure you read your
hosts profile or listing COMPLETELY. They've
usually posted a great deal of information
about themselves and the accommodations.
This can help you decide if a certain host
might not be such a good "fit" and help you
to avoid akward moments and
misunderstandings.
- If you have special dietary needs, bring
your own food. Offer to take care of your
own special dietary needs and be clear about
what this means by way of food preparation.
Your host may ask for recipes; be diligent
in providing these promptly. However, be
ready to prepare them yourself. If you
couldn't bring the items with you, ask your
host where you can purchase them.
- At times, with certain differences
between your lifestyle and your hosts', you
may feel like you're treading on tiptoes,
but remember, it should be possible to reach
a tolerant arrangement for a comfortable
stay. Be open, honest and considerate. For
instance, if you're a smoker (and especially
if your host isn't), please step outside,
away from open doors and windows, clean up
any dirty ashtrays on the patio, and refrain
from putting out and leaving any cigarette
butts in the yard. If it becomes clear that
your stay is irritating, discuss with your
host how you might make things more
agreeable for them.
- Leave any recreational (illegal) drugs
at home!
- Always offer to help in the kitchen. Be
sensitive - if it becomes clear when you're
asking to help that your host is a
one-person-in-the-kitchen cook, leave it
alone. (Keep in mind, this is rare!)
However, if this is the case, there are
other ways you can help out in the house.
Offer to take on the table-setting,
child-minding, dog-walking or errand-running
while dinner is being made. Be lateral in
thinking about ways to help. Respect their
customs and choices, just as you'd want
yours respected in your home.
- Some hosts are very fastidious about
tidiness and cleanliness. Apart from being
as tidy as you can be, also be careful about
offering to do cleaning for them apart from
picking up after yourself, clearing the
table or washing the dishes. If you notice
(after you've been there a few days) that
the floor needs to be swept, or the carpet
needs to be vacuumed, offer to do it. Gauge
it from what you know of them and be
considerate and tactful.
- Pay attention to the security
instructions in your host's home; you don't
want to expose them to an insurance
liability if you didn't lock up properly.
Take good care of any keys that they loan
you.
- Bring your own toiletries! Unless they
provide you with new guest soap, or
deodorant and shampoo, ask before using
theirs. It is not polite. This especially
includes cosmetics.
- Always replace anything you damage. Even
if it was an accident, you are responsible
and should make it right for your host by
fixing the item, replacing the item or
leaving a monetary settlement. Doing so
shows that you respect another's
possessions. Not addressing it can leave
long memories of the issue, and it will
certainly get around in family or friendship
circles.
- Always keep your personal possessions --
clothes, toys, wallets, etc. -- out of the
common areas. The host may not be the
neatest person in the world, but he or she
will certainly not appreciate seeing your
things cluttering up the living room, dining
room or kitchen counters.
- Do not interpret your welcome into
someone's home as permission to enter rooms,
or look in closets, or intrude into any
areas where you haven't been explicitly
invited. Respect a host's privacy by erring
on the side of caution--even when visiting
friends or family.
- Never, ever, gossip about or criticize
your hosts, their homes or family members,
especially during your stay. It's
disrespectful and rude. You'll only declare
yourself an ungrateful guest, unlikely to be
invited even by those with whom you gossip.
- Were you invited by your hosts for this
visit, or did you invite yourself? If you
have invited yourself, which is most often
the case, these steps are paramount to being
allowed to return for another visit. Even if
your hosts invited you, keep all of these
steps in mind and sincerely do them.
Remember, you're on vacation, they're not.
Make offers to help and follow through. Your
actions will be filed away in your hosts'
memory banks, and good or bad, will be
remembered when you ask to return!
The rules governing office etiquette with student
workers aren't necessarily documented in any
procedure manual – they tend to boil down to common
sense and courtesy. But as the college workplace
becomes busier and more pressured, these guidelines
are more apt to fall by the wayside as we try to
find time to advise our student workers. Here are
some tips to keep in mind when supervising students
that may help:
The
students must treat everyone that comes into the
office with respect and dignity, from the college
president to the freshman student. Never permit the
student to engage in any actions that may embarrass
people, your department or let them make
others feel uncomfortable in any way. Office
manners are very important. Click
here to view more office manner examples.
Don't
permit public criticism or arguments. If the student
disagrees with an assignment or position you have
taken, they should bring it up during a staff
meeting or request a private meeting where they can
ask for clarification and express their concerns.
You will then be able to explain to the student why
you have taken such an action in a calm, friendly
environment.
On
occasion, be sensitive to the students' need for
privacy if it is office related. For example: If you
come into their cubicle and he or she receives a
phone call, offer to excuse yourself.
It
is very important that the students learn how to
address people on the phone. In addition they
need to know all the workings of the phone system
especially if they are going to be stationed in the
outer office where most of the calls arrive.
Click here for more Phone Etiquette.
Don't
permit cell phone calls in the office environment.
Let them make their calls outside the office on
their breaks. Click
here for information about telephone etiquette.
Make
sure students do not read materials, such as faxes,
that are not addressed to them.
Make
sure they have been trained properly and understand
the office procedures you have. It is also
very important that they are clear about what their
responsibilities are. Attempt to keep them
busy.
Make
sure they understand how important it is that
every call and e-mail is returned within 24 hours.
That means it is imperative they get the messages to
the faculty/staff that it was sent to. Make
sure they print legibly when writing messages and
they know where the messages are to be left.
Make
sure the students understand this is a real job and
they are expected to work the days they are
scheduled and are to arrive on time.
There are many more rules of office etiquette – the
list is endless and will continue to evolve as new
technologies develop and protocols for using them
are established
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